When my mom first asked me if I wanted to go for Hajj, in 2012, I did not feel ready. I knew that, if I went, things would change, and I did not want to make that big leap… yet. 

I was comfortable where I was and with my lifestyle at that time: I was just married, in the prime of my life. I had just finished my first solo concert and completed two solo albums.

At the same time, my heart was at a crossroads.

Spiritually I was heading towards the straight path, trying my best to pray five times a day, while balancing that with my stage life. A difficult act to juggle. Conflict, self-doubt, fear, hope, all in one. 

It was a battle between myself, my nafs and shaytan. 

And now it was time for the showdown. 

So, when at last I said ‘yes’ and made that firm intention to perform Hajj with my loved ones, I felt like I had already won a part of the battle, at least temporarily. I felt a sudden rebirth of hope: perhaps I could change my life for real this time. When I turned to Allah sincerely, I felt as though the major chains of Shaytaan had broken and I was on my way.